


They just won’t stop

by Rhian204



Series: Life is a complicated thing [1]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Drug Addiction, Family Feels, Other, PTSD, Psychological Torture, Self Harm, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-30
Updated: 2019-05-30
Packaged: 2020-03-30 01:24:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19031893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rhian204/pseuds/Rhian204
Summary: Klaus can’t explain his emotions, because he’s never been good at talking.He’s always been good at blocking people out, and that’s what he’s planning on doing now.But this time there are people that care around him.This time Ben is alive.Klaus needs to realise that people care.





	They just won’t stop

He sits on his old, croaky bed, feeling every inch of his body ache. But none of the physical pain can be compared to the emotional pain that he feels on the inside. The pain of loosing the person you love the most.

Klaus still feels like he’s experiencing it. The death of the person he loves. He can still feel the blood pooling out of Dave’s chest like a fountain. Dave’s death seems so long ago when in fact, two hours ago - to Klaus - he was breathing.

The smell of blood surrounds him, making him strangely miss the feeling of Dave’s blood on his fingertips. The smell and feeling was horrible, vile even to Klaus, but it was a part of Dave which made it ok. The feeling of dry blood on his fingers was all that Klaus had left of him, except for the tag that sat around his neck. And now it was gone, because the blood washed off in the bath. The only thing he had to remember him by now was the tag, which doesn’t seem to be enough. Nothing would be enough to remember him by.

The sound of his breathing weakening hurts Klaus’ heart. It feels like he’s being stabbed in the heart over and over again, and punched in the gut at the same time. He doesn’t realise how much he needed to hear Dave’s voice until those last few breaths. Klaus still feels the horror that he felt when Dave stopped breathing. Tears fill his eyes just by the memory of it.

-

Five interrogated him on the subject of time travelling to Vietnam within his first few hours of being back in 2019, and Klaus just wanted to punch him in the face. He knew that Five didn’t know what had happened in the last few hours. Five didn’t have to watch the love of his life - and only reason for wanting to live anymore - die. Especially in such a painful way. Klaus couldn’t - and wouldn’t - deny that Five’s had it tougher than them all. But that doesn’t mean that Klaus can’t suffer too, and struggle to take everything in. Five didn’t understand that Klaus - the brother that always seemed so carefree and cheerful. The brother that could always made a joke or sarcastic reply quicker than rain hitting the ground - was only beginning to grieve.

Diego had also attempted to speak to him that day, get him to open up. Four didn’t get why though. Years of ignoring his calls and calling him a ‘stoner’ or ‘junkie’ and suddenly he cares. Why? That was Klaus’ only question. What had happened so suddenly that Diego cared for him? Yes there was the death of his ‘lady cop friend’ but that couldn’t have made him think differently about Klaus. Could it?

-

Now everyone’s alive, and Vanya isn’t going to cause the end of the world. Ben is now breathing, which is a surprise that not even Klaus thought was possible. Vanya can walk past Luther and not feel terrified that he’ll tense up. The apocalypse has been avoided - thank the lord - and are improving for everyone. So all is well. Except for Klaus. Nothing has improved for Klaus.

-

The sound gunshots only seem to get louder, and the screams of men being shot or blown up soon follows. It always does when this happens. The noise forces its way into his ears, slowly but surely making its way inside his head. Klaus just wants to forget it all, the war, the people, Dave. Too many bad memories that only bring back pain. But none of the memories will vanish, which drives him insane. The flashbacks of Vietnam are worst than the ones of the mausoleum, which seemed nearly impossible to Klaus. Dead people aren’t what he hates the most anymore, but instead the sounds of people he cares - he still cares about them even though they’re dead - about the most dying, and in pain.

There’s a knock at his door, and Ben’s head pops in. He looks concerned, and Klaus tries his best to act cheerful. But Ben knows him too well to know when he’s putting in an act. “What you doing?”

Klaus is surprised at his question, since he was expecting it to revolve around him being alright. “Oh you know... the usual.” He says with a smile. “Smoking, dancing, thinking about drugs that I can’t have.”

“Ha ha very funny.” Ben replies sarcastically. He’s now fully standing in the room, hands in his jacket pockets. “It’s funny though, because I can’t see any cigarettes. Or hear any music either.”

Klaus sighs, looking around the room as if he’s trying to find something. “Yeah well sobriety is so overrated.”

Ben knows what Klaus is doing. He’s avoiding his layered questions that Klaus knows will make him have to open up. He always does it, so Ben isn’t surprised. Just irritated. Six also knows that his brother was thinking of Vietnam. And Dave. The tears that Klaus doesn’t even realising are streaming down his face help him realise that. “You don’t have to cope alone. Just because I can do whatever now, doesn’t mean I stopped caring.”

“No of course you haven’t.” Four smiles loudly, but his smile soon fades. “Because that’s too much to ask for.”

Ben winces slightly, watching as Klaus searches his pockets for a cigarette and lighter, but he doesn’t have one he soon realises. “Don’t do this.”

“Do what?” Klaus hums weakly, his head is killing him, and a fix would be really helpful he thinks.

“Don’t shut me out just because I’m alive now. Because I can’t be there every second now. I’ll help you through it. I can help you stay clean.” Ben watches as Klaus snorts, and stands up.

He walks pass him, placing a hand on Ben’s shoulder as he dies so. “I don’t need help dear brother.” Ben can see the pain in Klaus’s eyes as he lies right to his face so easily. “What I need... is a bubble bath and waffles. Lots, and lots of waffles.”

He waits for Klaus to leave his own room to let out a sigh of annoyance. Ben knew that it was going to take time, but time was something that Ben felt like he didn’t have. Time could only last so long before it ran out. There was only so much time before Klaus snapped. The problem was that nobody knew how much there was. Not even Klaus...

-

His eyes are watching as Five pours himself a glass of something. Klaus doesn’t know what, but the craving is killing him. The smell of it makes his fingers twitch, which drives him mad. The only thing Klaus can tell is that the drink is alcohol, and it seems that Five must have forgotten that Klaus is a former addict. As Five takes a sip, Klaus digs his nails into his palms and shuts his eyes. He’s trying to control himself, and the cravings.

But suddenly, he’s in a nightclub. Klaus knows which one, and is angry that he’s seeing it. Music is playing and colourful lights are helping him see the people that surround him. He feels so carefree as he dances like a lunatic. At least he feels happy in the flashback.

The next thing Klaus sees is himself, Dave and a few other mates from Vietnam doing shots together. They’re all smiling, and having a good time. Dave has that beautiful look on his face that made Klaus want to kiss him in the first place. It’s so painful to see it again now that he’s dead. It doesn’t seem like they’re soldiers in a horrible and gruesome war. Klaus just feels like he’s having a fun night out with friends. Friends that feel like family to him, and was better than his family. The people that he was with - and also died at war - were the people that he would gladly die for, especially Dave.

Klaus can feel the tears running down his cheeks, and landing on his leather trousers, but he doesn’t care. He also knows that Five is watching him with slight concern behind that bitter expression that rests on his face. The only reason he knows this is because he hears someone ask him if he’s alright. Nobody sounds like that except for Five.

“Klaus...?”

Four snaps out of the flashback, quickly wiping his eyes and putting on a smile. “Yeah I’m fine! Just being my goofy self. In case you haven’t noticed, but I am quite the actor.”

“Are you sure?” He asks afterwards, because Five knows that Klaus lying. It’s a no brainer! But he’s curious to if Klaus is lying to himself.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be fine buddy?” Four smiles, too much to Five’s liking. “Sobriety Just sucks. That’s all brother.”

Five nods his weak slightly, not believing a single word that left his brother’s mouth. “So how come that your hurting yourself?”

Klaus looks down at his hands to see that his nails have dug so deep into his sins that there’s blood. He can see the moon shaped cuts in his palms. They’re fresh and sore. Klaus winces as he touches them with his - now - bloodied nails again.

“ I guess I just... uh-“ he can’t find the right words to use, and Five can see that.

“Care to tell me something?” Five asks, trying to sound caring. He’s not good with emotions, just like the rest of their weird, and dysfunctional family.

“What makes you say that little bro?” Four is putting on a smile, pretending to feel fine. He’s trying to distract Five with what he calls an “insult’.

Five knows that he called him ‘little’ to try and distract him. It was a classic Klaus move that was clever of him to do. He won’t take the bait though, because this seems too serious to deal with later. Instead, Five shakes his head and scoffs. “I’m not stupid Klaus.”

“Who said that you were dear brother?” Four says in reply, acting as if he was offended. “I certainly wouldn’t dream of doing so! That would just be cruel of me.”

“Just tell me straight forward the truth. What’s wrong?” His voice is firm and harsh. But Five doesn’t mean to sound harsh though.

Klaus buries his head in this palms, wanting to hide himself from his brother because too many things could be revealed in a matter of minutes. He can feel the little, fresh cuts in his hands against his face, and he kinda likes it. Klaus wonders if there’ll be little, bloody stains on his face when he lifts his head again.

Eventually he does, much to Five’s pleasure. “There’s nothing wrong.” It’s a weak and rough voice that makes Five want to yell worth irritation, because Five doesn’t have the patience anymore.

“Bullshit.” Five says in reply, but no harshness is in his voice as he says it. He’s staying as calm as he can.

“What do you even know anyway oldie?” Klaus stares at him with a harsh expression on his face. He hopes that Five will be phased, but he isn’t. “You’ve been gone more than four decades, and missed out of a few important things that’s happened in my sad, little life.”

“Any of those ‘things’ have to do with the PTSD?” He sounds as if he’s talking about a casual subject, but Klaus feels shocked. It’s written on his face.

“What are you talking about?” Four asks weakly, because right now he doesn’t feel like he’s up for a serious conversation. “I don’t have fucking PTSD.”

Five knows that Klaus is in denial of it, and probably is just scared to face the truth. But the signs are there and clear. But nobody else has even bothered to notice besides him and Ben, and that’s most likely because they are the only two that know about Vietnam. And Ben has been by his side through years of drug use and watched Klaus suffer in silence. “Yes you do Klaus. I can see the signs like you can see drugs. Easily.”

“That’s a little harsh isn’t it dear brother?” He’s trying to lighten the mood. “And besides, what have I been though that can make me have PTSD?”

“Well Vietnam for starters.” Five takes a sip of his drink, making Klaus bite his lip. “That and the constant appearances of dead people. I’m sure that isn’t exactly pleasant.”

“Well you’re not wrong there.” He laughs weakly, but he can still feel his anxiety rising. Five isn’t going to stop interrogating him and that scares him. “But that doesn’t mean that I have... PTSD. Soon you’ll be saying that I have depression or some other bullshit.”

“I won’t tell the others if you don’t want me to.” Five offers gently. Klaus almost looks insulted. “This whole conversation can stay between us. But Ben is worried and I now can see why.”

Klaus sits up properly, trying to hide any worry that he’s feeling. “And why is that?” He needs to know so that he can hide it better.

“You’re self destructing.” He simply states with confidence.

“I am so not! Now you’re just making this up as you go along.” Klaus is making himself laugh. He thinks that Five will back off if he sees him happy.

Five tries a gentle approach to his offer. He’s not sure if it’s a good idea though. “There are people that can deal-“

“I don’t need a shrink-“ Klaus isn’t reluctant to stop Five from speaking there. Talking is something that scares Klaus, but he lies and says that it’s just silly when people ask him why he refuses to see one.

“There are places you can-“ Five tries again, he knows that he’s not winning the conversation.

Klaus blows a raspberry to cut in. “Been there, done that-“ he feels overwhelmed. To overwhelmed for his liking.

“We can help you-“ Five watches as Klaus snaps at his final offer. His brother looses it at the word ‘help’. It appears that help isn’t something that Klaus likes to ask for, or talk about either.

“Shut up old man! I don’t have to tell you anything!” Four snaps, standing up and storming over to Five.

For a moment Five worries that he’s going to hit him or assault him in some form. And when Klaus just takes his glass of scotch, he is relieved. Five watched as Klaus storms out the house, and listens as the front door slam shut. He enjoys the silence. That is until he remembers the important thing. Klaus is suppose to be sober.

“Shit.”

Five rushes out of the building, scanning the streets for Klaus once outside. It shouldn’t be that hard to see someone in a fluffy jacket. He can’t see him through the crowds of city people somehow. He shoves pass people harshly, calling out Klaus’ name. Five knows how furious Ben will be when he finds out about his. He curses at himself for not remembering Klaus’s sobriety sooner.

-

Eventually Klaus is standing with a bag of pills. He’s standing against an old sandwich shop next to the alleyway that he basically lived on for ten years. There’s a lit cigarette in his mouth, forcing the smell of smoke up his nostrils, and the feeling of small pills in his palms is so satisfying. He’s cradling then as if he’s holding a fragile baby animal. Klaus just wants to shove them all down his throat there and then, but a phone call makes that not possible.

It’s Five that’s calling him, and the only reason Number Four knows this is by the specific ringtone. He remembers giving his brother the ringtone of the Doctor Who theme song, because it annoys Five more than anything. That was only last week, but it feels like years ago to him. Sometimes, Klaus will call him Doctor Five if he’s feeling jokey or annoying. Five’s calling most likely to apologise for his actions, and convince him to come home - sober of course - Klaus thinks to himself, because that is what Five would do. He quickly denies the call without any hesitation, and shoves his phone back into his fluffy coat pocket.

He can imagine seeing Five growl, knowing he’s seen his call and ignored it. The thought crossed his mind, and makes him laugh to himself quietly. But the thought disappears soon enough, and now his thoughts are all to do with the bag of pills that are in his cold hands.

“Oh how I’ve missed you.” He grins at the bag as if it’s too valuable to take his eyes off of. “I can’t believe I decided to give you up, what a stupid idea. Am I right?” He doesn’t know why he’s asking an object a question.

Ripping open the bag, Klaus can feel the excitement building up inside of him. His hands are trembling double the speed than they were a few minutes ago now. He places two in his right hand and shoves them into his mouth. The relaxation is already taking over him, but that is because he’s given in and doesn’t have to fight the urge anymore. He’s not sober anymore.

For a second Klaus thinks of Ben, and how disappointed he’ll be if he finds out that his brother gave in to the cravings. But he doesn’t care after the amazing feeling grows stronger. Because now, the ghosts are at bay, and there isn’t any gunshots to be heard anymore. Dave’s final breaths aren’t haunting his every step. Klaus feels free, but is acting happier than he truly feels.

-

Music is blaring through gigantic speakers, and the lights are filling the room with different colours. Klaus didn’t realise how long it had been since he had willingly gone to a party. A party full of alcohol too. Alcohol and drugs. Lots of different types of drugs.

The drugs are like magnets to Klaus. He can sense them from the other side of the room and tries his best to avoid most of them, even though it feels impossible and like Hid is being cruel to him. He doesn’t want to become a useless addict again like people label him to be. But he still wants enough to keep the ghosts quiet. Klaus eyes each pill, and powder with anxiety building up inside of him, and it’s harder than he thought to avoid the temptation. Four tells himself that another one won’t hurt, and he laughs as he takes another hit. The feeling of relief takes over his body and makes the whole experience more pleasurable. Of course tries his best to not take too many, and does last longer than he has ever before - that he remembers of anyway - by distracting himself with different things.

At first he’s dancing with random strangers - men and women - as if their his love interest. Swaying his hips backwards and forwards and making up ridiculous moves. He moves his feet to the beat of the music, enjoying the beautiful sensation he feels all throughout his body. He has so much energy that doesn’t seem to be running out. Whenever Ben was able to see him dancing he would always tell Klaus the next day how mad he looked, and energetic he seemed. It was usually said during a sweet brother conversation, and then they would both laugh about an old memory. And then Ben would try and convince Klaus to go to rehab and give the drugs up. It never worked though, because Klaus felt like drugs were - and still are - the only thing making the music good enough that it’s worthy of dancing to. That and it helps him cope. The music isn’t as good as it was back in Vietnam though. People were less sexual and more carefree with their dancing - all without using drugs. Everything was better back in Vietnam at the parties. The cool clothes, the good, and not auto tuned music. The people mostly.

Dave couldn’t dance to save his life but Klaus didn’t care. His dance moves were labelled as weird and hilarious by the other soldiers, which made Klaus want to see them even more. He tried over and over again to convince Dave to dance with him every time that they were out partying. He made it his mission to one day see Dave dance, and they laughed about it a lot. Klaus always told Dave that it would happen one day, and it would be the best, and funniest day of his - then - amazing life. And Dave always said told Klaus with so much confidence that it would never happen. And he was right. Klaus never saw him dance once. He saw Dave die, but not once saw him dance. Not even a swing of the hips or little head bop. Whilst Dave has seen Klaus act like a total wanker while dancing. How weird is that? Dancing was how they met, and it was the perfect way to meet.

Four is now making his way towards another pill that he’s detected on a table full of empty plastic cups. This one feels like a strong one for some reason that Klaus doesn’t know. He can sense the relaxation that that single pill will give him. He’s picking it up with a feeling of power and control building up inside of him, and everything feels great. But then Klaus sees something. Something horrible. He can see him.

“Dave!”

He rushes to the floor, to Dave’s side, and is cradling his face. There’s a gunshot wound in his chest, and blood. Lots of dark and gruesome blood. He’s seen far worse corpses thank Dave’s, and Klaus knows that too. He’s seen people detached, ripped to shreds, beaten, burned and so many disgusting and unthinkable ways for a person to die. But the fact that it’s Dave makes this corpse the worst to have to see. He wants to look away and wait for him to disappear, because he eventually will. But at the same time, Klaus feels like he’s letting Dave down even more if he does so. Klaus also wants to believe that it’s not real because it can’t be. If this was Dave’s ghost then he wouldn’t be like this. He wouldn’t be lying on the floor, still. Lifeless would be the last thing that Dave would look like. Especially since it’s been around 50 years since he actually died. He would be confused. Confused, and acting alive.

“Dave please! Speak to me! I need you!” Klaus pleads in between sobs.

He knows that there isn’t going to be a reply, but Number Four still hopes with all his heart that there will be. He feels his tears running down his face, and they land on Dave’s chest. Klaus can’t handle seeing this. Because now not only can he just see it, but he can hear Dave’s voice too. But Dave’s mouth isn’t moving, and that’s the problem. Dave is telling him how much he loves his. But it should be ‘loved’. Dave is dead.

“Stop doing this. It’s not fair. Please stop showing me this.” Klaus doesn’t know who he’s speaking to. Not Dave, because the real Dave can’t hear him. Not that stupid girl that calls herself God. She’s too busy watching down over everyone to care about one small addict that’s going through a rough patch. That’s what Klaus calls this, a rough patch. If that’s what this is, then Klaus’ rough patch isn’t ending anytime soon, only getting worse. Nobody is or will listen. Nobody is going to stop this from happening, but Klaus still pleads for it to. At least if he asks for help - then and there - then nobody can blame him. That’s his belief.

He suddenly feels himself being pulled up by two men, and dragged out of the club. Klaus is snapped back into reality, but he can still see Dave’s body. It’s still laying still, no movement whatsoever. He’s surrounded by random people that are staring at Klaus as if he’s a crazy person. None of them are looking at Dave because they’re all too focused on Klaus. But then again, Klaus is the only person that should be able to see him anyway. Number Four wants to tell them all to help him. To help Dave. But no words leave his mouth when he tries to, because he is too busy sobbing, and hoping that God is watching him right now. Klaus hopes that the girl that calls herself God feels guilty for sending him back to this hellhole. He wants her to see his pain and send me him up there to be with Dave. All Klaus wants is Dave!

That’s all he wants. It to be with Dave. He wants to be able to see him alive. To hear him speak in the present. To feel his warm arms on his face as their lips touch. That is all that Klaus is asking for. And he doesn’t think that it’s a big thing to ask for compared to what other people want. All Klaus wants is to be with Dave.

-

He’s laying with a bottle of stolen vodka from the shop down the road. The men threw him out and watched him stroll away. He then made his way to a 24 hour shop and stole the vodka. Nobody saw him steal it, so it doesn’t matter how far he is from where the crime took place. That, and Klaus couldn’t care any less about getting caught. A night in a cell beats sitting on the soaking wet streets on any day. The bottle is sadly empty, but Klaus doesn’t want to drink anymore. The vodka that he’s already drank has done it’s affect. He feels so weak and shitty that the thought of getting more booze has slipped his damaged mind. He also feels ashamed, and is imagining if his family saw him now. They would all be so embarrassed to call him their brother he thinks. Ben especially, because now people can see him, so he’s more self conscious about what he does. It doesn’t really bother Klaus that much, but sometimes he feels that Ben is embarrassed to be around him - but Klaus isn’t sure if that’s just his mind playing games - when before Number Six didn’t care what Klaus acted like. Nobody could see him, and therefore it didn’t matter if Klaus brought attention to himself.

After what feels like hours, but has only been twenty minutes, Klaus attempts to stand up and find his way to a more comfortable street to sleep on. He just wants a street that isn’t soaking wet and surrounded by loud clubs and screaming, drunk psychos. His head is killing him, and there is no energy left in his body. Klaus tells himself that it’s the dancing that’s used it all up when in fact it’s just because he’s depressed. He feels like he’s an experiment. That a group of people are watching his every move. And they’re recording his reactions and emotions to when he sees Dave. Its like a game to them and it’s unfair! Four wants to tell them to fuck of and stick his middle singer up at them, but it won’t do anything. So there’s no pint in wasting energy that he doesn’t have.

Klaus only manages to takes a few, wobbly steps before he can’t hold the empty, glass bottle anymore, and he watches carelessly as it smashes against the concrete ground, and into tiny, sharp pieces. Small sheds of glass fly in every direction quickly, including the direction of his legs and ankles.

“Fuck. Ow, that hurts.” He holds his cut leg as he breaths the sentence out bitterly. Nobody is around, and Klaus strangely feels glad for that for some reason that he can’t explain.

Carefully, Klaus sits himself back down against the ground, feeling the dampness of the rain on the pavement soak into his trousers. There are small specks of blood running on his ankles, down pass his shoes, and on to the floor. Number Four expects himself to wince as he tries gently to nudge some of the glass put of his skin, because it should hurt. But the sharp pain doesn’t just make him wince at all, and Klaus wonders why at first. It gives him a sense of control, and Klaus can already hear Ben’s hopeful voice in the background even though he’s not actually there. It’s not difficult to know what Ben would want him to do.

‘Don’t do it. You’re better than this. It’s not worth it.’

He is reluctant at first, but as the pain increases and decreases as Klaus chooses, the reluctance fades. Klaus doesn’t feel the pain after a while, because he is to focused on the control that he has over himself and the pain that he can inflict. It’s a strange feeling that he feels inside of him, but Klaus likes it. Blood trickles down his leg more, and more until his entire left ankle is covered with the red liquid. It’s takes Klaus a while to stop himself before he fully hurts himself. And then Klaus tells himself that he won’t do it again, and that it was a ‘one time thing’. Not even he believes his own statements anymore.

-

A month after giving in to the alcohol, Klaus is sitting by a street lamp. It’s the middle of the night, and he’s near to overdosing, but luckily safe from death. Klaus forgot how it felt to feel like this when he was busy focusing on the feeling of his fingers trembling because of the lack of drugs in his system. It was like a wave of relief that kept on coming back over him repeatedly. The air is ice cold but Klaus doesn’t care. He feels too numb to notice that he’s shivering so much that he should be worried. Four knows that Ben is probably worried sick about him, and is either pacing around the house like a crazy person or searching for him at his favourite drug filled areas. Diego might be helping him, since he seems to care about Klaus sometimes. There’s no telling when he will give a dam about Klaus or when he’ll be busy focusing on something else. Perhaps he’s busy being a weird vigilante or something. But they have a low chance of finding him, because knows where they’ll go first, and is going to the places that he barely went to when Ben was with him.

There are fresh cuts on his arms and stomach. The ‘one time thing’ had become a new addiction that was happening almost daily. The cuts covers most of his upper arm and is starting to cover most of his lower. His stomach is cover from left to right, and it looks as if he’d been self harming for months. When In fact... it had only been two weeks. Two horrible weeks of living on the streets again, and having his siblings out searching for him. Klaus only knows that they were looking for him now because he saw Luther and Ben at a party. He snuck away without then seeing him luckily, but it was still a close call. Number Four couldn’t imagine the looks of horror that would cover their faces when they see him. He already receives uneasy looks on the streets from random people, and that made him feel guilty enough. And then the guilt led to another line carved in his skin. Never mind the guilt he would experience of those people were his family.

“Are you ok?” Klaus looks up - but it’s so much effort that he debated on if it’s worth it - and sees the figure of a person.

His breath is cut short with shock, because Klaus knows that this isn’t possible. Klaus knows that Dave can’t be standing in front of him because he is so ‘off his head’ that Klaus wouldn’t even be able to see Ben if he was a ghost now. Tears are starting to glaze over his eyes, because this ain’t fair. This is too unfair! The figure is a tall and well built man. Gorgeous. Klaus just wants to kiss him right there and now. But he knows that this isn’t Dave.

He’s struggling to speak again, and wants to scream. Screaming is so much of an effort though, and Klaus would much rather use that effort on trying to make Save disappear. If this is the real Dave, then Klaus doesn’t want him to see him in such a horrendous state.

“Hey.” The voice says again. And snapping they’re fingers in front of his face. “Can I call someone?”

Slowly, Four blinks, but it’s a battle to open his eyes again afterwards. The person changes appearance. From being his beautiful and gentle Dave, to a random woman in a oversized coat. “Just go away.” He breaths.

Out of nowhere another person appears, but this person looks recognisable. Klaus has seen her before and he knows that she recognises him. Her face is full of shock, and there isn’t anything else to see. The girl can see that his pale skin isn’t a good sign. “Oh shit.” She sounds mad, and worried.

Klaus tries his best to speak, but all that comes out is a weak breath. It’s too much effort he thinks, so he doesn’t try again. Number Four can feel himself being pulled up onto his feet, and two of his arms being put around both girls necks. They’re dragging him through the streets when he was quite happy sitting by the streetlamp.

“The fuck is wrong with you Klaus?! I thought you were over this shit!” The girl yells harshly, she’s clearly angry. “You promised me that you were getting clean! What happened?”

Klaus remembers her vaguely. Her name is Cindy he thinks. Or Sandra maybe. One or the other, and Klaus can only remember that she was a chef at a vegan cafe. She was weird and quirky, which was what Klaus liked about her. After seeing Klaus at a nightclub and saw the shit life he was living, Cindy or Sandra offered him a room until he got his life together. That was almost three tears ago, and Klaus saw her last around two years ago.

“Sobriety was too boring.” He manages to get out, but is barely hearable. He’s surprised that she can hear him.

He can hear her scowling, but she still drags him to her apartment building. Why doesn’t she just leave him alone like Klaus wants her too? It isn’t far away so Klaus is slightly glad. But he can’t remember the journey after arriving to the staircase because he closed his eyes - expecting himself to open them again - but the next thing he sees is the sun shining on him. He’s lying on her orange sofa, and is also covered by an old, and tacky blanket.

His head is killing him, and Klaus searches for another pill but realises that he doesn’t have his coat on. The pills are in his coat pocket. Panic is rising through his body quickly, and his desperation is growing stronger. The feeling of not being in control is scary. He forgot how it felt. Klaus begins to search every spot possible for the coat. Behind pillows, under the sofa, anywhere. But he doesn’t actually care about his jacket, only the drugs that it stores. His mind is playing tricks on him, making him think that he’s hearing the agonising screams of soldiers dying. It’s so horrible, but he’s use to it now.

“Aargh!”

“Medic! We need a medic now!”

His desperation only grows. The bombs are getting louder and more realistic, so Klaus wants to scream. He hates it. He despises the sounds, and hurts his ears, make his head feel like it’s in a washing machine. He only hears the noises because he’s realised that he’ll be fully sober in a few hours. And withdrawal is always a hellish experience.

“Christ in cracker!” He hears himself laugh, but he isn’t actually talking. “That was a close one huh Dave?” There’s a small pause, but Klaus already knows what he’ll hear himself say next. “Dave?”

Number Four doesn’t even know what’s he’s doing anymore, he’s just throwing things around the room like a mad man. His muscle are tensing as time passes. Klaus doesn’t know if he’s mumbling the words that he’s hearing himself say or if he’s just crying instead. But nobody is around him so he doesn’t care what he’s doing. That is until a door is heard opening. He’s quick to wipe the tears away, and act like nothing is wrong.

“Klaus?”

Number Four’s head shoots up with confusion and shock. That’s Diego’s voice, which is very unfortunate. He rushes to his feet as Diego storms up to him. But that expression soon changes to pure shock and sadness. It takes Klaus a moment to remember that his coat was the only piece of clothing hiding his stomach and arms, and now all of his scars are on show for the whole freaking world to see. That explains why the two girls looked at him so worriedly. He pretends that he isn’t bothered by the act that he’s exposed, and that Diego is seeing him like this. But inside, Klaus is cursing at himself for letting Diego feel this way.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Diego says immediately, snapped out of his daze, he grabs Klaus by the shirt at the same time. Diego isn’t talking about the self harming, but Klaus doesn’t know that.

“Get off me asshole!” Four yells back in reply. He’s being dragged out of the apartment and down the stairs. He still feels weak, and shaky, but most of all desperate. The desperation isn’t gone yet.

“We’ve been looking everywhere for you!” Klaus is thankful that Diego’s isn’t talking about the self harming. Not yet at least. “It’s been a month Klaus. One month. Where the hell have you been?”

“Partying.”

Diego is growling at himself as he walks with Klaus - or drags him. The fury is clear on his face so Klaus won’t even bother to try and apologise. He doesn’t have - and even if he did, he wouldn’t even use it - the energy. They make it to Diego’s car, and he’s forced into the backseat. There’s still a stench of drugs and smoke in him that no doubt will stink the car out. Klaus knows that Diego isn’t ready to speak due to the fact that he slams his car door shut once inside and doesn’t even tell him to buckle up. Diego always tells him to, even though he knows that Klaus will ignore him.

-

They arrive at the Academy, and Ben is already outside pacing with a worried looking Five and self soothing Allison on either side of him. Number Four can’t even get himself to look at them, because he’s so ashamed of the fact that he caused the worry and disappointment on Ben’s face. He refuses to get out of the car at first, so Diego is forced to drag him out by the hair. Diego can understand partly why his brother is scared to even get out of the car, but he gave him an old jacket that he had in the car. At least now he’s decently - or just below - warm and not self conscious about his cuts.

“Where have you been? Don’t you realise that I’ve been worried sick?!” Ben yells at him when Klaus doesn’t say anything, and walks straight into the building, but Klaus ignores his brother’s worry sounding words, and pulls out a cigarette. The lighter was in his coat he then remembers. Shit.

Klaus tries to make his way to his bedroom, but Five won’t let him pass the stairs. He’s doing his tough guy look, but Klaus isn’t phased by it like Five hopes he would be. There’s a horrible feeling inside of Klaus’ stomach that is only getting worst, and that is distracting him from everyone’s worried expressions. He can feel the drugs in his system loosing their purpose which makes Four want to run back outside and down the street to the closest dealer. But he knows that plan won’t work when four of his super-powered siblings don’t want him to leave their sights.

Everyone waits as Allison scribbles something down on her notepad as fast as she can without making her writing not readable. There is either worry or stress written on her face. Or maybe both. She shoves the notepad in front of Klaus’ face to read once she finishes. ‘Klaus just tell us the truth. What’s up with you?’

“Oh wouldn’t you like to know.” Four snorts weakly, he knows that all of them heard him say it, but doesn’t give a shit. Klaus simply just starts biting gently on the unlit cigarette that is now in his mouth - since it’s the closest thing he’ll get to a drug - after pushing the notepad out of his face. Allison is actually hurt by her brother’s action, and has to control her emotions a little bit.

“What is that suppose to mean?” Five questions. He’s slowly taking small steps that force Klaus closer to everyone. He’s got his interrogation face on ready.

“Please...” Number Four laughs for no apparent reason. “You wouldn’t notice if I was dead until you saw it on the news.” He puts on an over exaggerated, shocked face. “Ex superhero! Died from overdose!’. And even then, you’d have something more important to do.”

They all - except for Ben - have the same expression on their faces, but Klaus can’t tell if it’s confusion, or shock, or even sadness. All he can tell it that it’s a fucking negative emotion that they hope will make him feel slight guilt. As if he isn’t already living life whilst feeling constant guilt and shame about Dave. He should’ve died, and Dave should’ve lived. Because Dave can do - could’ve done - so much more with his life than Klaus can. They just don’t know that. Ben slowly takes a step closer to Klaus. Now it’s just him and Ben, and the rest of the Hargreeves sibling that are in the room have backed away slightly. He looks so disappointed. No that’s not the right word to use. For once he doesn’t look disappointed. Ben looks insulted. Utterly insulted that Klaus could say that he didn’t care about him. That’s like saying that he wasn’t by his side through every withdrawal. Or fight. Or night on the street. Number Six debates on if Klaus is just currently an emotional wreck or if he’s actually serious, so he tries to touch his brother’s arm as a comforting method, but Klaus is quick to push him away. The thing is that Klaus things it’s suppose to comfort him, but the comfort is for Ben.

“Don’t touch me.” He mumbles. “I don’t need you’re stupid sympathy.”

“Is that what you think this is? Sympathy?” He’s using a gentle voice, because Ben is worried that he might start crying if he talks normally. “Klaus... I just want to help you. Why can’t you see that? I’ve saw you suffering for weeks! No years!”

“Blah blah blah!” Number Four is rolling his eyes backwards. “You need to find some new reasons to be worried bro. Your material is pretty old.”

“Don’t do that.” Ben is trying to keep his emotions under control, because he knows that Klaus is struggling about Dave.

“Do what?” Klaus pretends to act like he cares, and makes it very clear that he’s acting. “Please tell me, I’m dying to know!”

“Stop acting like you’re fine.” Ben raises his voice this time as he speaks. Showing that he cares isn’t working anymore. “Because we all know you’re not!“

“You always were so dramatic my friend. You need a new hobby.” Four is starting to feel uneasy, and he just wants them all to fuck off. It feels like it’s been days since he slept.

“Why can’t you just get some help?” Ben asks, desperation in his voice. “You can move on from the drugs, and alcohol. You can grieve over Dave properly.”

Klaus glares at Ben immediately, and Ben knows that he crossed a line by mentioning Dave’s name in front of their siblings. None of them know about Dave yet. And Klaus wasn’t planning on telling any of them. “You know I think I liked you better when I could just get rid of you by drinking!” Klaus spits furiously. He doesn’t care about the venom that’s in his voice.

Allison gasps, wincing as she feels her vocal sting. She, Diego and Five can feel the tension rising fast. And now they all are curious to who Dave is. But now is hardly the time to ask. Diego and Five are carefully debating on if they should stop this argument before someone attacks the other. But at he same time, they both know that this is between Klaus and Ben. It wouldn’t be their place to say anything.

“Klaus... “ Diego hesitatingly tries to place a hand on his brother’s shoulder a he speaks. He’s trying to sound comforting.

Klaus shoves him away violently, and anger is written all over his face. “Just fuck of! All of you! You can’t act like you care because you don’t! You’re all just bored and see me as a charity case that will make you feel good about yourself when I’m fixed! Well guess what? I don’t want you’re stupid, fucking, pathetic, pity!”

“How can you say that?” Ben asks hurt. There are tears in his eyes already, and he knows that Klaus is just in pain, but the words still sting. “You think that I... pity you? That I don’t really care? How can you say that I - the one person that stood by your side through everything even though in could’ve just moved on- don’t care about you?! I was by your side every time Klaus! Every time you were high, or drunk, or dying! I was the one person that was fucking there!”

The three other siblings are flinching at the harshness in Ben’s voice, and they’re all astonished that Klaus doesn’t seemed at all bothered by it whatsoever. It’s like he doesn’t give a dam. How can he not care? That’s the question they’re all secretly asking themselves in their heads. Klaus takes a few seconds to absorb it all, and Allison thinks that he might finally tear up and feel a touch of guilt. But he doesn’t. They all watch as Ben starts to cry louder, and it isn’t just a few small tears. He’s sobbing, asking himself what he did wrong. All while Klaus is strolling upstairs to his room as if he’s a child, not bothered anymore about anyone. Not himself. Or Ben.

-

Ben is pacing around the living room, while the rest of his sibling, - except for Klaus - watch worried. He’s stressing about so many things. Klaus’ well-being. The argument that just occurred ten minutes ago. If he should be worried about what his brother is doing in his room at this very moment. For all he knew, Klaus is crying in the corner of his room alone. Ben doesn’t want Klaus to be alone.

“Ben sit down.” Five says emotionlessly. He’s holding his head in his right hand, and can even do that whilst looking intelligent.

“I can’t! How can I?” Ben replies, he sounds scared. His legs are starting to get tired, and he’s got his arms cross to comfort himself.

“Ben please... “ Vanya makes room between her and Allison for him. “We can’t help Klaus if we’re all panicking.”

“That’s easy for you to say. You look fine to me.” Ben doesn’t mean to sound bitter, but his anger is rising from the depths of his body.

‘What‘s that suppose to mean?’ Allison holds the notepad up, looking angry and confused at the same time. Vanya has the same expression on her face.

Ben scoffs with disgust. “Don’t act like you don’t know.” He watches as his siblings stare at him confused.

All except Diego. He looks defeated, and heartbroken. Nobody seems to notice until he speaks. “We let him down.” There’s a small pause. “All of us.”

“Diego, how were we suppose to know what was going on inside Klaus’ brain?” Luther looks hesitant to speak, he’s worried that he’s speaking out of line. And his concern is soon proven right by the looks on everyone’s faces.

“He’s our brother. We should have been there for him!” Vanya yells, she’s standing now, and anger is written on her face.

“It’s Klaus we’re talking about here guy. Remember?” Luther is annoyed when Allison shakes her head with what he thinks could he disappointment. “We can’t be with him all the time.”

“I basically was.” Ben’s voice is quiet, but still just as harsh at the same time. He’s trying to stay calm as best as he can. “I watched Klaus go through hell, and nobody did a thing.”

“What are you talking about?” Luther asks astonished. “Didn’t Allison pay for him to go to rehab? Twice?”

“Yeah, and the first time was when Vanya’s book came out.” Ben doesn’t mean to make Vanya feel guilty - or blush with embarrassment - but he’s making his point, and it’s working. “And the second time was right before dad died! Right before he had to come back here!”

“You can’t use dad as an excuse for Klaus’ addiction.” Luther is trying look and sound intimidating. But Ben isn’t bothered. “Klaus is an addict. It’s too late to try and save him.”

Ben is fuming, and no longer holding back his anger. “You don’t understand what he went through-“

“Klaus had it just as bad as the rest of us!” Luther cuts in. “And none of use turned to drugs.”

-

What none of them know is that Klaus is listening. He’s taking in everything that is being said about him. He is sitting on the staircase with a cigarette, listening to the echoes of the argument. His hands are trembling - a side effect of the withdrawal that’s just about kicking in - and he feels like tone of bricks have been thrown on top of him, and the Luther decided to jump onto the tone of bricks. There are two fresh cuts on his right wrist, that are bleeding ever so slightly. He winces as he traces over them with his fingers. Unlike earlier, Klaus is hearing not only the argument, but helicopters. They’re louder than the argument that his siblings are having, and he’s sadly thankful on this occasion. There are whispers that he’s trying to ignore. But they keep on getting stronger, and soon, it’s impossible for him to ignore them.

‘You’re not worth it Klaus’

‘They’re disappointed in you’

‘You should’ve died in that war, not me’

The last whisper it like a knife to the heart. It’s ripping his heartstrings out off his chest completely, because he just heard Dave speak to him. Dave just told him that he should’ve died. Number Four is trying his best to not start crying, but it’s a loosing battle.

‘Why don’t you come here and make it up to me?’

It takes Klaus a second to realise where ‘there’ is. Heaven. It all feels so real to Klaus, and the voice is so reassuring that he just wants to obey everything it says. His feet are moving without him even realising shortly afterwards. And tears are slowly making their way down his pale cheeks.

‘We can be happy again.’

Number Four takes off Diego’s jumper and throws it on to the floor, because he’ll feel guilty if he dies in it and the police return it to him with bloody stains on it. Good thing Klaus has already put on his own top on too. The only reason he put in Diego’s jumper on again was because he was cold, and Klaus’ fluffy coat - that he sadly lost - was his only long sleeved piece of clothing he had.

‘It won’t take long. Just one jump’

Now Klaus is letting the voices in, and they are becoming stronger than ever before. They’re controlling him. He doesn’t know if it’s a good thing or bad thing, but he knows that it will soon stop. The voices always stop, but this time he’s planning on then never coming back. He opens the front door slowly and as quietly as he can, nobody seems to hear him, luckily. It takes him a moment to be able to say goodbye to this hellhole that he forces himself to call home. He knows that shutting the door will make too much noise, so Klaus just leaves it open.

‘It’ll be worth it.’

Klaus believes that statement that ‘Dave’s voice’ makes, but at the same time he struggles to. Ben didn’t even get a goodbye, but a goodbye wood just be so painful. Klaus tells himself that they’ll all be fine, because now they won’t have to worry over him anymore. They can actually live a life that doesn’t involve him ruining things.

-

“I’m not saying that Klaus isn’t to blame at all, or that he made smart choices - no way. But he needs our help, and blaming him isn’t going to make him get better.” Allison and Five are nodding gently, while Vanya speaks. “Klaus has been through hell, and he’s struggling. I don’t care if you help us or not Luther, but you’ll be a disgrace if you don’t.”

Luther towers over her like a lorry towers over a car. But Vanya doesn’t care anymore. “I was on the moon-“

“That isn’t an excuse anymore!” Diego yells back, and he sounds furious, and ready to start a fight. He’s not putting on a tough guy act, this is all natural. “You’ve been with him as much as the rest of us these last few weeks. But you’ve had you’re head up your ass, playing Barbie and Ken with Allison!”

Ben places himself between the two - knowing from Reginald’s funeral that it won’t end well - and he tries to change the subject slightly. He feels like the pea that is squashed between the princess and the mattresses. It’s unnerving. “Everyone calm down. This isn’t about any of us. It’s about Klaus.”

“No!” Diego can’t takes his eyes off of Luther, who now looks anxious. “He thinks that Klaus is some useless object that you can throw about, and it doesn’t matter.”

Allison pushes Luther away from Diego, and gives her notepad to Diego. ‘It isn’t just Luther to blame here’. It says.

Allison is trying her best to calm Luther as he speaks. She just nods her head with a gentle but harsh look on her face. It isn’t difficult that she’s a mum in those moments. It looks like she’s treating Luther like a child.

Diego sighs with annoyance, and he can feel the stares from Vanya and Five on him. They both think that there’s something else going on, but Diego is scared to tell them the truth. It’s not his place to. Five was the only one that was confused to why Klaus was wearing Diego’s jacket when they first saw him. But it didn’t seem like the right time to question it. Now is though.

“Is there something else we need to know?” Five says out of nowhere to Diego. Everyone is looking at him confused, because they don’t know what Five is suppose to be talking about. “Diego?”

“Like what?!” Diego replies harshly, but he doesn’t mean to. His blood is boiling from what Luther said still, and Five isn’t helping him calm down.

Five takes another step closer to Diego, his hands in his pockets. “Why was he wearing your jacket?”

“Because... “ Diego scoffs immediately, but he isn’t sure on what to tell them all. “When I found him, he was topless.”

It’s easy to see that Diego’s hiding something. Five has seen the same expression on thousands of people faces as they lie to him. He watches as his brighter fumbles with the ends of his sleeves - a clear sign of nerves. “And... ?”

He’s starting to feel irritated. And the confused looks from everyone else make it even worse. “And what?”

“Quit the bullshit Diego. What’s the real reason?” There’s a pause before Five speaks again, and now all of them want an answer. “Because I think I have the right answer in my head, and it’s not a pleasant one.”

Everyone wants Diego to speak, but he looks so hesitant to answer. He’s secretly cursing at himself for speaking in the first place now. It takes him a minute to find the right words to use. Ben snaps at him, which makes Diego finally begin to speak. “When I called him earlier, this random girl answered. Told me where he was I went to pick him up.” Everyone already knew this though, so they waited as Diego took a deep breath. “When I got there... he was topless. And I saw... cuts“

“Cuts?” Vanya repeats horrified. Everyone but Five, and Ben are thinking if the same thing, but Vanya asks the question. “Did he get attacked?”

“No.” Number Two sounds disappointed as he speaks in a weak voice. He’s staring at the floor. “They weren’t done by anyone else.”

Ben can feel his fists clenching with anger. Anger at himself. At the world. At Reginald. Klaus had done it before. Self harm. And it never stopped until he was in hospital because of an infection or blood loss. And then Ben would cry his eyes out and describe the horror that he saw and felt to his brother. Then, Klaus would promise to not do it again. This felt like a punch to the face. How couldn’t he have noticed before? How did nobody question it except for Five?

For Five though, it’s regret that’s eating him up. Because he saw Klaus doing it before he ran away. It wasn’t as clear of a sign as having scars all over your body, but it was still a sign. He even pointed it out. He should’ve cared more he thinks to himself. And now, Five’s giving himself a beating in his head on how he let Klaus down. He should’ve done more to stop his from happening. The tough guy act is slowly fading. And even though he knew the answer already, having it confirmed is like an icy dagger to the heart.

“Buts it’s... not that... bad! Is it?” Luther struggles to speak properly. He doesn’t know if he’s just in denial or shocked.

Diego has disgrace written all over his face. “Yes! Yes it it that bad. Because you can barely see his skin anymore on his stomach. And his arms are almost covered too!”

Ben rushes out of the room and says “I’m going to talk to him.” Five is quick to follow, and soon they all do too.

“Ben it’s not the right time. You’re not in the right state of mind!” They all stop as the reach the staircase.

The front door is wide open, and they can all see Diego’s jacket on the floor. There’s a small blood stain on one of the sleeves, but only Diego notices it because of how similar it looks to the rest of the jacket. Ben’s stumbling closer to the door, terror is building up inside of him at the same time.

“We need to find him. Now.” Everyone follows Ben out of the building as fast as they can, and head in different directions. They all fucked up once, and refuse to do that again.

-

It’s been three horrible hours, and Number Four can still hear the whispers in his head. They’ve calmed down now, but are still drowning out the other sounds around him. Dave’s voice has only gotten stronger and more loud, which is actually making this harder for Klaus to go through with. The voice is so reassuring, and soothing, but Klaus knows deep down that none of it is true. His family are in the back of his thoughts, but are slowly making their way to the front. Klaus doesn’t know what to do anymore. Because he’ll feel guilt no matter what. Guilt for leaving his family, especially Ben even though he believes that it’s better if he goes. Or guilt for letting Dave be alone. Either one is just as horrible to feel.

‘Just one jump, and we’ll be happy together’

He’s standing on the edge of building. An apartment building to be specific, not far from the red light district. Klaus use to spend most of his summer days on this rooftop trying to get a tan. It never worked though, because not even after an hour he would give up and go and get a drink or drugs. And then the whole routine would repeat itself until a sunset occurred. There are people at the bottom of the building. Klaus locked the door, and blocked it up. So if anyone tries to get to him, they won’t be able to.

‘I can’t wait to see you again’

There’s a strange noise, but Number Four doesn’t notice it. Not until he hears the voice that is so distinctive that there isn’t any chance of it being anyone else. Klaus lets out a sigh of annoyance, not even bothering to turn his head. He’s busy watching the world pass by in front of him.

“What do you want?” He asks, but doesn’t sound like he actually cares. “Can’t you see I’m busy?”

“Klaus... don’t do this.” It’s weird for Klaus to hear Five sound so desperate. He’s pleading Klaus to stop before it stop late. He also sounds out of breath. Why is that?

“Why would I want to do that? Trust me dear brother when I tell you that this is the best thing to do. All of you can get on with your lovely lives now.” He’s swaying his right hand around randomly, but it does eventually finds its way back besides the rest of his body.

“No we won’t.” Klaus thinks that he sounds so confident. Too confident for his liking if he was honest with himself. “Things will only get worse if you do this. We need you.”

Four lets the breeze hit him harshly. He feels like he’s trapped in the mausoleum, and there’s no way out. It’s suppose to be dark, but there is a great beam of sunlight on his. Klaus keeps on forgetting that though. The wind is like a reminder to him. A helpful reminder that he isn’t trapped inside an big, old and stone building, that is full of ghosts that have haunted him since he was thirteen. They’re calling his name, as well as Dave. ‘Klaus, Klaus, Klaus’ ‘Don’t you love me anymore?’ ‘Klaus, Klaus, Klaus’ ‘I love you!’

Klaus chuckles at Five’s last sentence. He finds it ridiculous. “Yeah right.” Five’s tense figure loosens up, he realises that being stressed will only make his approach worse. “As if I - Klaus the junkie Hargreeves - is what? Wanted?”

“Of course you are.” Five insists desperately. “Listen, I know that we haven’t been good to you, me especially. But you should have seen what Ben was like when you were missing.”

“Exactly! Everyone is... overwhelmed while I’m in this pathetic world.” Klaus waves his arms around as he speaks loudly, making Five anxious as he watches. “Ben can’t stop worrying about me while I’m alive. And you just confirmed it.”

“That’s not what I meant Klaus. That came out wrong.” He feels flustered, because he feels like Klaus is twisting his words to suit him. It’s annoying as fuck.

“Then what are you implying Five?!” Klaus turns to look at his brother, and make him talk to his face. “Huh Five? What-“

Number Four is astonished to see the sight of his brother. Five’s hands are covered with blood, most of it dry, but there are drips every now and then. There are a few snugged in his clothes and cheek. He looks exhausted too, and his hair is a mess. Klaus can only guess one explanations for this.

“How many times have you done this?” He asks curiously.

Five starred at him, the fear is written in his face very clearly. “What?”

“This?” Klaus points his finger at the floor between him and his sibling. “How many times have you tried to save me?”

“That doesn’t matter Klaus. I won’t stop until you’re down from that edge.” He’s expecting to hear Klaus say something sarcastic, but he doesn’t. So Five carries on talking. “I’ve seen what will happen without you. And trust me when I tell you this... it is certainly not a pretty thing to experience. I’d rather be stuck in the apocalypse again.”

That statement shocks Klaus to the core, because Klaus has always been told by Five that the apocalypse was a horrendous experience. He had heard the gruesome and detailed descriptions of Five’s experiences there. Klaus would always joke about how the peace and quiet would be good enough for him.

“Jeez buddy. That’s quite the claim to make.” He trying to make himself laugh, because deep down Klaus is feeling a pit of guilt being made.

“I know you’re scared Klaus.” Five’s sighs, sympathy secretly in his eyes. “You’ve already told me how it hurts to live everyday knowing that Dave is dead. That his body haunts you, just like the voices do.”

Number Four is crying at the mention of Dave’s name. Five isn’t suppose to know about him. The mention of Dave’s name brings all the melodies back, and is making him feel horrible about himself, and Klaus doesn’t know what to he’s feeling anymore. “What else did I tell you then? Huh?” That’s all that Klaus can think of to say.

“The self harm is a coping method that went to far. You think it’s the only thing you have control over anymore.” Klaus doesn’t notice that Five is stepping closer to him quicker now. The ‘smaller’ brother has his hands out if his pockets now, and one is out for Klaus to take hold of. “And that’s perfectly normal. I understand how you feel.”

“No you don’t!” Four almost stumbles off the edge, making Five flinch with fear. Klaus is smiling as well as sobbing. There’s pain in him that is finally being let out after weeks of being hidden away. “You didn’t watch the love of your life die! Or have to listen to him and your other friends scream in agony! You can’t understand Five!”

“Out of everyone in our family I am the only person that understands the pain you’re experiencing.” He almost sounds offended, and Klaus can tell. He can see the tears in Five’s eyes, as well as the desperation. “Klaus... please just... don’t do this. I can’t watch you die again. Not again.”

He bursts into tears, secretly hoping that it might help convince Klaus to take a step away from the edge. The tears and pain is as real as it looks, because Five is the type of person that struggles to show emotion. Just like Klaus does too.

“I’m sorry.” Five hears his brother say weakly. “But it’s the best thing to do.”

Five snaps, and his anger is being released. “No it fucking isn’t!”

Four winces at the anger in his voice. It’s a voice that Five hasn’t used before with him, and if he has, then not since they were both youngsters.

“I am so tired of doing this Klaus! But I’m not going to stop until you’re away from that edge! Those things that Dave is telling you aren’t true.” Klaus winces again at the mention of Dave’s name. He can’t believe that he told Five all of this. “He wants you to live your life, and be happy. Dave loves you, and you need to know that.”

Klaus can feel himself shaking, and can’t control the sobs that leave his mouth. He hesitantly looks down at the ground, horrified to see the rest of his family down there. It seems that Five must have told them the location or taken them with him as he time traveled. He can only just about seen them because of Luther’s strongly built body, and Allison has her neon pink coat that Klaus adores so much. And that when he hears it. Ben‘s agonising screams, begging him to step away from the edge. It feels like time has stopped for him, but he forgot that for everyone else it’s still passing. Klaus already feels dead. So dead that he doesn’t hear Five calling his name worriedly. He then feels himself being pulled violently away from the edge, and he and Five collapse on to the ground.

Five lets out a massive sigh of relief immediately, then he focuses on comforting Klaus. Because Klaus is breaking down, and letting all his pain be shown. It wouldn’t be surprising if Ben can hear him screaming from the street below him. Five is holding Klaus’ trembling body in his arms, and it looks weird. But neither one of them care, because Klaus doesn’t have the energy to care, and Five is overwhelmed with relief that he didn’t have to watch Klaus die - again.

-

Number Four is lying on his bed, listening to the faint yelling that is coming from downstairs. His family are arguing on how to help him, because this is something that Reginald didn’t teach them to deal with. None of them have any experience with dealing with a suicidal person.

There’s a lit cigarette in his mouth, and Klaus is enjoying the warm sensation it gives him. He’s tired, and cold, and weak, and in pain. But most of all missing Dave. There are faint sounds of gunshots, but Klaus feels too weak to care anymore. And Dave isn’t talking anymore. He doesn’t know if he should be grateful or not.

The door opens and Ben stumbles into the room. There are dry tear marks on his face, and his eyes are red and puffy. It just makes Klaus feel worse about himself. “Klaus I’m sorry. I should’ve done more.”

“Like what Ben?” Number Four tries his best to sound energetic when he speaks, but it doesn’t work. “Tie me to the bed and never let me see the sun again?”

“Of course not. I would’ve opened the curtains at least once.” Six tries to joke, because there needs to be a bit of laughter he thinks. It works, and Klaus chuckles whilst shaking his head. It kills him to see Klaus acting fine when he actually isn’t. “Do you want a drink?”

“If there’s alcohol in it.” Klaus smiles sillily. He bites his lip as Ben smiles.

“Nice try, but no. I meant like orange juice or water.” Ben watched as Klaus slouches again, like a turtle hides in their shell.

“I’m fine then.” He’s trying to act happy, because Klaus hates the worry look in Ben’s eyes. It’s horrible, and painful to see.

Ben slowly sits on the other side of Klaus’ bed with reluctance. “Promise me one thing Klaus.” He says weakly. Tears are starting to glaze over his eyes.

“Depends on the promise.” Klaus already knows what Ben will say next. It isn’t exactly a tough guess.

“Promise me... that you’ll never do that again.” Klaus doesn’t reply, instead he looks down ashamed. “Klaus please! You’ve never tried to kill your self before, and I won’t be able to live with myself if you succeed one day. So promise me! I need to hear you say it!”

“I can’t.” Klaus whispers, because he feels like if he speaks any louder he might burst into tears.

“Why the fuck not?” Ben exclaims heartbroken. “Of course you can! Please Klaus, I need to hear you say it.”

“I can’t lie to you Ben.” He’s shaking his head, ashamed of himself. The next thing Klaus feels is Ben hugging him tightly. They both burst into tears, and comfort each other. “I’m sorry, but I can’t do it. I want it to stop so bad!”

“What to stop?” Ben asks curiously. There are so many answers that he can think of.

“Dave.”

Ben’s shocked by that answer. But he knows that Klaus must have a good explanation for his answer, and waits patiently. He’s still holding Klaus like a fragile object, but Klaus is doing the same to him. So it’s ok.

“His voice is just a reminder Ben.” Klaus mumbles through his sobs. “A reminder of what I did. I made him die! And now he’s haunting me like the rest of that fucking war! And it’s fucking torture! I need it to stop.”

“I know you do, and I’ll help you. I promise.”

Klaus burst into tears all over again, and Ben hugs him even tighter. They’re sitting in a dark room, and the arguments have stopped. The rest of their siblings are listening outside the door, feeling their heartstring be destroyed. They know that Klaus just needs Ben, so they wait patiently.

“How can you?” It takes Klaus too much strength to ask that, and he’s pushed himself away from Ben’s touch so that they look at each other’s faces. “You can’t stop the voices. Nobody can.”

“I can be there for you when you’re sad, and comfort you when you’re struggling. I can listen to you when you need someone to talk to. We can get you help.”

“We?” It takes a loner for Klaus to realise that the rest of his siblings are standing in the doorway, and they only made themselves seen when Ben said ‘we’.

“Yeah.” Diego replies gently. He and the rest of his siblings are gathering around Klaus and Ben. “We.”

They hold one another tightly, and let each other cry. It’s probably the most comfort Klaus has received ever in his life - from anyone. Because his entire family is showing that they care, and not just by saying it. They’re all showing it, which proves to Klaus that they care. He’s so use to hearing one of them say it weakly as if they don’t actually. And that only happens when Klaus is angry, and yells at them harshly what he truly believes. Everyone just thinks that he was being silly and attention seeking. But this. The warm and soothing feeling that’s filling Klaus’ body tells him that this time... they’re telling him the truth. More tears are streaming down his face at the realisation of it - which seems impossible, because he’s already cries so much - and Ben cries too. They hold on another as if they’ll never be able to again. It’s telling them all the same thing the same thing. Even though it’s just a hug, they all feel like they know how much they care about each other. Klaus especially.

Because he now knows that they care.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope this was ok, and enjoyable. Took me days to write. I won’t write another chapter, because this is how I want the story to end. But I hope that it’s good enough for you.
> 
> Thank you!


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